In 1993, the song “What Is Love?” by Trinidadian-German singer Haddaway soared to the top of record charts throughout the world. It became even more popular after being featured on Saturday Night Live in the late 1990s. In this one-hit wonder, the chorus declares:
What is love?
Oh, baby, don’t hurt me
Don’t hurt me, no more
What is love?
Oh, baby, don’t hurt me
Don’t hurt me, no more.
What is love?
According to St. Thomas Aquinas, “To love is to will the good of the other.” When we love, we become like God. We see and treat each person with dignity. We want what is best for them. Therefore, we do not seek to get something from others; instead, we seek only to give away our love.
When we love, we become vulnerable, which in turn opens us up to suffering. On the Cross, Christ was hurt to the greatest degree by our sins.
When we sin, we love ourselves more than God and others. Hence, lust is not love, but pure selfishness. Lust hurts everyone around us, including ourselves.
Pornography feeds human trafficking, increases the likelihood of sexual dysfunction disorders, shrinks the brain, raises the risk of divorce, and the list goes on. Stated simply, pornography is not reality but a fantasy illusion that wounds us to the core—emotionally, physically, and spiritually. It causes us to see people as objects for our taking rather than children of God in whom we should delight.
When we love authentically, we can still get hurt, but never in the way that lust and pornography hurt. Yes, we can still be betrayed when we give away our love. But, as the saying goes, it is far better to have loved than never to have loved at all.
This leads us to St. Valentine. Roman Martyrology lists two saints by that name. One was a Roman priest who was allegedly martyred during the reign of Emperor Claudius in the first century. The other was a third-century bishop of Terni who was martyred in Rome. One legend holds that St. Valentine secretly married young couples in violation of Roman law, which led to his martyrdom.
So, what is love?
Love is Jesus’ death on the Cross.
Love is offering our lives like the saints.
Love is dying to our lust so that we can love freely.
Love does not promise that we will never be hurt; it only promises that nothing given in love is ever wasted.
About the Author
Patrick O'Hearn
Patrick O'Hearn is a husband and father. He holds a master’s degree in education from Franciscan University. He has authored or co-authored twelve books, including Parents of the Saints, The Shepherd at the Crib and the Cross, Courtship of the Saints, The Grief of Dads, Go and Fear Nothing, Our Lady of Sorrows, Nursery of Heaven, The Truth about Hell, Saints Come in All Shapes and Sizes, Virtues of the Saints, The Most Powerful Saints in Exorcisms, and Sacred Heart of Jesus. He is a contributor to Fr. Donald Calloway’s book 30 Day Eucharistic Revival. When not writing, Patrick leads pilgrimages and speaks on the Holy Eucharist, spiritual warfare, Our Lady, the saints, and child loss. He is the Director of Ministry Expansion at Stewardship: A Mission of Faith.
