Blog

Many people don’t realize how pornography affects relationships. They view it simply as an exciting form of “adult entertainment.” Both men and women are unaware of how using pornography can hurt their relationships.

One of the primary ways porn affects relationships is that it redefines sex.  According to our Catholic faith, sex is a wonderful gift from God. It is the way a married couple expresses their covenantal love for each other. It is the physical, emotional, and spiritual self-giving of spouses to each other. Sex unites husbands and wives in their bond of love for each other and is open to the possibility of new life. Pornography, however, reduces sex to nothing more than a recreational activity where the only goal is to have the strongest orgasm possible. In these scenarios, people simply end up being used. There is no love, intimacy, commitment or responsibility in such a sexual relationship. While it may seem exciting in the moment, ultimately it leaves people feeling more lonely and unfulfilled.

Pornography use fosters great selfishness in relationships. As I stated earlier, it leads to using one another for selfish sexual purposes. Viewers of pornography use the women in men in porn. This can also overflow into their personal lives when they begin to use other people for selfish sexual purposes. They do this because this is what the people in porn are doing and they all appear to be having a great time.  In fact, studies have shown that college men who regularly use pornography don’t want to get married. They actually believe that true happiness and fulfillment in life will only come from having multiple sex partners. They’re buying into the lies presented by the porn industry. Those who participate in a lifestyle modeled after porn can only end up feeling lonely, used, and exploited.

Pornography use can be particularly damaging for women in relationships. Studies have shown that 39% of young women don’t see a problem with viewing pornography for themselves or with their husbands or boyfriends. This attitude stems from several causes. First, pornography has become such an accepted part of the culture for young people, they see no problem with it.  Young women have come to view sex  and pornography use as necessary for any relationship. It’s where they are getting their sex education. Thus, they believe the sex in pornography is normal and healthy for any relationship.

There is also the matter of competition. A young woman sees the women in pornography and thinks to herself “I can compete with that. I have nothing to worry about.” However, wait until that woman is in her 40s and the women in porn are still in their 20s. Then she will think “How can I compete with that?  My husband must think I’m ugly. I’ve lost my looks and am no longer desirable.” This is devastating for a woman. She will often feel hurt, betrayed and rejected. For many this is as serious as an extramarital affair. The husband may view pornography as simply images on a computer screen; however, to his wife those aren’t simply images. Those are other women!

Some men try to justify their pornography use by coaxing their wives or girlfriends into viewing it with them. They give the excuse that it will spice up their sex lives and make it more exciting. However, this never happens. Women aren’t as visually stimulated as men, so visual porn doesn’t interest them as much. In addition, most pornography depicts one or more men using a woman in selfish sexual ways.  Women rarely get anything good out of such an experience. In porn, women are nothing more than sex toys for men.

Many people today turn to pornography as their sole form of sex education. They use it to learn about sex and relationships. Unfortunately, what they learn from pornography is extremely damaging. The sex portrayed in pornography is not healthy or safe. Most of it is physically dangerous, especially for women. In fact, the only way most female porn stars can endure the physical punishment of porn sex is to be drunk or high when filming those scenes. The sex in pornography is nothing more than violence toward women. You will not learn about healthy sexuality or relationships from porn.

The damage pornography does to a relationship can be irreversible. Studies have shown that pornography use plays a significant role in over 50% of all divorces. Using pornography does no good for a relationship. It will only harm it.

Most young people are called to the married vocation. To protect this vocation and have the healthiest and happiest marriage possible, my advice is to avoid pornography at all costs. Don’t get caught in the allure and excitement of pornography.   It’s all a big lie!