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Intensity vs. Intimacy


About the Author

Dr. Peter Kleponis

Peter C. Kleponis, Ph.D., SATP-C is a Licensed Clinical Therapist and Assistant Director of Comprehensive Counseling Services in Conshohocken, PA. He holds an M.A. in Clinical-Counseling Psychology and a Ph.D. in General Psychology. Dr. Kleponis has over 18 years of professional experience working with individuals, couples, families and organizations. He specializes in marriage & family therapy, pastoral counseling, and pornography/sexual addiction recovery. He is Certified in the Diagnosisand Treatment of Sexual Addictions by The American Association of Christian Counselors' Light University, by Dr. Mark Laaser's Freedom Begins Here Program, and by Dr. Todd Bowman’s SATP program. Dr. Kleponis has been a guest on several EWTN television programs including Women of Grace, Franciscan University Presents, Crossing the Goal, EWTN Bookmark, and At Home with Jim & Joy. He is also a regular guest on Relevant Radio's On-Call program. Dr. Kleponis travels throughout the country educating people on how to win the battle against pornography through his Fighting Porn in Our Culture…and Winning! program. He is the author of two books, The Pornography Epidemic: A Catholic Approach (2012) and Integrity Restored: Helping Catholic Families Win the Battle Against Pornography (2014). Dr. Kleponis is also founder of the Integrity Starts Here Catholic recovery program for pornography and sexual addiction. He works with individuals and couples from around the United States and internationally in-person, by phone, and by Skype. For more information see his website,

Comments (3)

D - August 20, 2016 1:35 pm

Thank you, this article gives me great hope for my marriage. It helped reaffirm the realization that I had: my wife needs time and space for herself to heal and regain her strength.

Mel - January 8, 2019 2:02 am


Unfortunately with respect you don’t describe what the real issue is.
It is intimacy , but not avoidance as your article alludes to. At least for the description as it relates to men.

The article in the following link from renaissance has it right, it describes the LACK of intimacy men feel not avoidance…we are dying for intimacy. Think of the craving we have to be kissed, and held or touched. If we receive even some of that attention and our partners are willing to make the effort to display affection, their God given feminine charm, we’d be begging for sex nights !

Also, it’s not just intimacy is it? What about our curiosity (the thrill of the new, the unusual), reciprocity (nobody really enjoys a plastic doll or a monitor screen), attractiveness (sex is always associated with youth, not aging) and so on.

    Administrator - August 1, 2019 5:40 pm


    The real issue for many people struggling with pornography/sex addiction is intimacy. However, the type of intimacy that Mel alludes to appears to be purely sexual. Intimacy takes many forms. There is emotional, intellectual, and spiritual intimacy as well. The fact is that many people who struggle with pornography/sex addiction are desperately lonely. When working with addicted people, I encourage them to first work on emotional intimacy with spouses, family and friends. The perfect place to practice this type of intimacy is in a support group. There the addicted person can share from the heart without the fear of rejection. Dr. Mark Laaser describes intimacy as “into-me-see.” With emotional intimacy, both people know each other thoroughly. They feel totally safe with one another. They can share anything and be real and authentic with one another. With this people can also develop a healthy intellectual and spiritual intimacy with others. When married couples have such a relationship, they never feel lonely. Out of this can then flow a healthy sexual intimacy. Thus, while sexual intimacy is important, I believe people must first work on emotional, intellectual and spiritual intimacy with each other. This sets the foundation for healthy sexual intimacy.

    God bless,
    Dr. Peter Kleponis
    Integrity Restored
    Director of Clinical Programs

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