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Scott had been married a year when he began to have difficulty having sex with his wife.

He was finding it more difficult to achieve and maintain an erection with her.  At the age of 30 he couldn’t believe he was struggling with erectile dysfunction!  He consulted his family doctor about it and was referred to a urologist.  The urologist examined Scott and found no physical problems.  Scott thought the doctor would prescribe Viagra for his problem.

Instead the doctor asked Scott about his use of pornography.  Scott admitted he viewed it daily, but didn’t believe it would have any negative effect on him.  He actually believed it could improve his sex life with his wife.  The urologist explained that pornography use could be the prime reason for Scott’s erectile dysfunction and recommended he stop using it immediately and never go back to it.

A Hormone Issue

In order to understand how pornography use can cause erectile dysfunction, one has to know about certain hormones and how they affect the body.  In men an women there are two common bonding hormones: Oxytocin and Vasopressin.  While men and women possess equal amounts of each hormone, Oxytocin is more active in women and Vasopressin is more active in men.  The purpose of these hormones is emotional bonding during sex. 

During intercourse, Oxytocin is the primary hormone that bonds women to men.  Vasopressin is the primary hormone that bonds men to women.  Thus, with each act of intercourse Vasopressin bonds a man more deeply to his wife.  Over a lifetime, this strengthens the love and devotion he has toward his wife.  This contributes to a happy marriage that last decades.  Unfortunately, pornography use can sabotage this healthy bonding.

Unhealthy Bonding

When a man views pornography, with or without masturbating, Vasopressin is released into his bloodstream and floods his brain.  This leads him to bond with the women in porn who are often very young and, thanks to plastic surgery, makeup and digital enhancements, don’t exist in real life.  This can lead him to only become sexually aroused by porn stars.  When he then tries to be sexual with a real women, who doesn’t look like a porn star, he may find it extremely difficult or even impossible to achieve and maintain an erection.  This can result in the inability to perform sexually.  This was Scott’s problem.

In addition to physical effects, pornography use can have emotional effects that can impact sexual performance.  As stated above, the women in porn generally don’t exist in real life.  However, excessive use of pornography, can change the way a man defines beauty.  Instead of being able to appreciate the beauty in real women (who are not a size 0 with DD breasts), he may only find the women in porn to be beautiful and sexually desirable.   Many of the women I’ve worked with feel deeply hurt and betrayed by their husbands because they know they cannot compete with female porn stars.  While the women in porn are always young, real women age. 

Maturing Appreciation for Beauty

Our society (and the porn industry) values youth as the standard for beauty by which we measure ourselves.  Aging is seen as a disease, which should be fought at all costs.  While we all should take good care of our bodies, it’s important to realize that we all age and this isn’t a bad thing. 

With age comes wisdom and confidence.  A healthy man’s appreciation for beauty should also mature as he ages.  This enables him to see beauty in women of all ages.  This is how a man who has been married for fifty years can still view his wife as the most beautiful woman in the world. 

Through a healthy sex life in a committed marital relationship, Vasopressin can help in developing this mature view of beauty.  Pornography use prevents this sense of beauty from properly developing.  It actually stunts a man, keeping him at the adolescent level in his appreciation of beauty.

The Revolution

We most often hear about the dangers of pornography use in Catholic/ Christian circles; however, even people in the secular world are beginning to see the detrimental effects of pornography.  The slang term for viewing Internet pornography and masturbating is “fapping.” 

There is now a strong online revolution called the “No Fap Movement.”  It consists of men who are giving up viewing pornography because of the harmful effects it has had on them, namely erectile dysfunction.  They are coming to understand the value of reserving sex for marriage.  These men are posting videos online discussing how viewing pornography has hurt them and how avoiding it has helped them.  It’s encouraging to see how these men, and science, are actually supporting the Church’s teaching on healthy sexuality!

Scott was shocked to learn how harmful pornography was to him and his marital relationship.  He made the vow never to view Internet pornography again.  In time, his problem with erectile dysfunction went away and he was once again able to enjoy a healthy sex life with his wife.  This also helped him develop a closer bond with his wife and a true appreciation of her beauty.